It's Been a Bit Too Much

It has been a while since I have written because I have been exhausted. My to-do list has items that reach the bottom of legal-size paper. I have been creating curriculum units and lessons for the English 9 team, teaching my English/Language Arts classes, handling two school publications with novice level students (while teaching writing and design), and sponsoring two school clubs. I have spent 12+ hour days hunched over in front of my computer screen and... I am tired.

This is just a small glimpse and the tip of the iceberg. As I write, I think of the teachers, counselors, support staff, and administrators who are working just as hard. Some have young children to parent, family members to care for, and I wonder how they are handling everything.

Last week during a curriculum team meeting, we all took a moment to express our feelings and concerns. One of my colleagues has a master’s degree in teaching and is considering another career. She doesn’t know what to do because she always thought she wanted to be a teacher, but the passion has changed. In that moment, we all understood that feeling. Our new setting and challenges have caused so much doubt and angst for our career.

I shared with a friend that I don’t have the mental or emotional capacity for some things right now. It doesn’t mean that I am incompetent or depressed, it means that I have poured into too many cups and felt depleted. I have started to grasp the importance of boundaries and have begun to apply them in my interactions with students and colleagues. I have made myself understand the importance of not checking my email, grading, or planning every weekend. I read books, binge watch shows, and take a moment to live. The moment I feel the need to “beat myself up” over not doing something work related, I take a breath and remind myself of the importance of rest.

Being a teacher is my passion, but I’ve learned that it can be problematic when your career becomes the essence of who you are. I’m not “a teacher first,” and while some are okay with that, I have to shift my focus. I recognize that my passions can change, and so can my purpose.