Teaching with Depression and Anxiety

Thursday: “I can’t wait for the weekend. I’ll get caught up on all of my grading and can map out my lessons for the week.”

By the time Friday comes and I get home, all ideas of productivity are gone. Then, the day before a work week, I am filled with so much anxiety and sadness. I didn’t do half of the things that I planned to accomplish. I become angry at myself for “wasting time” with people, playing games on my phone, or scrolling through social media. I become angry at myself for relaxing or doing self-care.

I stand before my students on Monday with as much excitement as I can possibly muster. Apologizing for any delay in grading, but making sure to “perform” and instruct them in the best way possible. I make every effort to not give any indication of the emotion of resentment, frustration, sadness…you know, the emotions that teachers are not supposed to feel.

Everyday, we stand before our students and pour out every ounce of energy that we can. We no longer serve as just a teacher, we are nurturers, mentors, advisers, counselors, disciplinarians, and sometimes mothers, fathers, aunts, and uncles. We become whatever our students need and, at times, it is without gratitude or acknowledgment.

Mental health awareness has become a frequently addressed topic. Counselors provide teachers with resources to help students and to provide tools to address any mental health concerns. I observe my students everyday in ways that they don’t even realize. I notice the withdrawn behaviors, disruptive and in need of attention behaviors, and “it’s just a bad day” behaviors, but I wonder if anyone notices me. Do my students see when I am struggling to tread water or do they just think: Mrs. Harris has an attitude today? Do my colleagues seek their own mental health therapists, or do they stifle their emotions and keep pushing?

The art of teaching has changed over the years and your stereotypical, behind the desk teachers are not as prevalent. I don’t play movies just because I don’t feel like teaching. I have a job to do, and I do it. I don’t take mental health days as often as I’d like for the main reason of substitute and emergency plan protocol. A lot of work goes into taking days off and sometimes it isn’t worth it. Some teachers, including me, teach various preps (different courses) which require working outside of the classroom. We are often asked to do tasks outside of our classes that may not even be conducive to the learning environment. Our work is nonstop and doesn’t end with our 7.5-hour shift. We’re planning, grading, answering questions, analyzing, etc. If you’re an educator and have a family, your workload is astounding (I can only imagine)!

I say all that to say: we get exhausted. Teacher burnout is real. I am beyond tired. I love what I do and sometimes I look forward to being in their presence. My students give me joy, but I recognize my emotions. More and more, I wonder if I can make it to 11 years in this field of education. Will therapy and “talking it out” make me feel more at peace or is it time to walk away? Are my feelings of discontentment causing me to not be as effective in the classroom? I know that I am not the only educator who feels this way.

One thing I am learning is that if I was to leave, that job will still be there. I can’t focus on the glorified idea of “no one else can do it” because truthfully someone can and will.

Take care of yourself!