You Don't Have a Clue...

A teacher asked me if I was disillusioned with my position and the school administrator experience, and the answer is: absolutely.

In the past two years, everything that you can imagine experiencing has happened and I wasn’t trained or prepared for any of it. When I became an assistant principal in July 2021, I assumed I would receive intensive training - what to do when a fight ensues, best practices for a disgruntled parent, methods for boosting morale, and how to transform your teaching staff. I received none of that. My 4 days of training consisted of information I needed to know, but that wasn’t even the tip of the iceberg.

It has been a struggle to become acclimated to this new aspect of my career. The power that teachers think you have as an administrator truly is not what it seems. There are some decisions we would like to make and enact changes that would not meet the approval of district directors. You must be okay with conflict, problem-solving, and planning beyond the moment. You will make mistakes, but there are some mistakes that are too detrimental to rebound from. In addition, you will have a to-do list of 20+ things and you had better learn to prioritize.

Prioritizing. That is paramount to your success and that is an area in which I have been told is my weakness. Matters that don’t seem important to others, feel important to me and I found myself getting lost and overwhelmed very quickly. I supervise the following areas – English, Special Education, Athletics, Attendance and Chronic Absenteeism, part of 7th and all of the 8th grade…and whatever in between. Just because these are the areas that I supervise, does not mean that I do not address 6th grade, other departments, or disciplinary matters. I struggle with prioritizing matters that are most important because it often feels that EVERYTHING is important. The success of the school is incumbent upon test scores, attendance, and effective leadership. I have two of the most challenging departments that are contingent on accreditation. I don’t want to fail and, as a result, I have taken on too much. My boundaries have been blurred and my mental and, at times, physical health has paid a price.

I can go from 8 am-4 pm and realize “You haven’t eaten” or “How much water have you had?” and see my water bottle mostly full. I’ve lost weight, albeit not by the healthiest means. There are times when I want to cry and then I just feel numb. I’m exhausted all the time.

I’ve been told, "The first year is the hardest," and "You’re doing well, hold on," but at what cost? Do I risk my health for a pat on the back and a verbal confirmation of “you’re doing a great job”? It’s discouraging to feel your purpose shift, but as I write this, I remember my favorite scripture Jeremiah 29:11. We often map out our lives, forgetting that purpose is divinely ordered. Purpose can change and shift at any moment, but we must relinquish control. I decided to step out on faith and not renew my contract for 2023-2024. As someone who has a plan for every aspect of my life and does not like surprises, this is BIG. I struggled and went back and forth with this decision that defies the logical part of me. I do not know what is next, but I’m working on some plans while awaiting the path that I’m led to traverse.